Why You Should Compromise And Ask Others For Help
For as long as I can remember I’ve been very independent. To this day it brings both joy and hate to my parents for different reasons.
On one end they complain I don’t seek them out when I need help, while at the same time they complain about my older brother not being independent enough. Standard family issues it would seem though a bit paradoxical if you ask me. Although it's not that I never ask for their help, it’s just that I like to exhaust all the options by myself before doing so.
It’s been with me from the very beginning. While I was at school I was always trying to solve math or physics problems on my own while my classmates were looking for a tutor. Only when or if I couldn’t find a possible answer I’d consider asking for help, stressing the word “consider” quite a bit. That for sure leads to a path where you’re trying to make it on your own no matter what but also leaves you without knowing when to stop and look for assistance.
And eventually, that tends to happen from time to time.
It doesn’t mean I couldn’t work well with others, it’s just that I felt that with enough repetition I’d eventually find the answer.
In a way, that kind of thinking was one of the things that led me to play poker.
The idea of a competitive and skillful game where you’re battling against other players and could potentially bring you a little money on the side was enough to get me hooked. I was already spending a lot of time playing games, might as well find a way to make a profit, right?
I spent a lot of time and energy working alone in my game. From books to blogs and just a bit of forums — mostly lurking around because I didn’t feel confident enough to express my opinion. Even had a notebook full of notes from other players, strategy and some form of journaling — which was actually more of a collection of rants and complains from the times I lost.
What I failed to see at the time was the need for other people (hopefully better than you) to discuss situations, improve my game and just become a part of a community.
Opening up to that allowed me to work with some great people I now consider good friends.
Exchanging messages with other players also led me into starting my own blog just to publicly record my progress, though at some point it also became a way of venting out ideas and/or frustrations with life in general.
You don’t have to always do it on your own
“Teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability.” — Patrick Lencioni
Being in a group will lead you to mess up in front of others. By doing so you’ll eventually leave behind the thought that you can never make a mistake and that means you’re on the right path.
I used to hate making mistakes, now I understand the importance of failing and trying again. Having people you trust ready to point out when you’re wrong and give you feedback to improve can save you a lot of precious time, all you need to do is being open to the idea.
The opposite is also true. You can be doing just the right things and a bit of acknowledgment can spark some confidence and motivation if needed.
You just need to find the right people. The ones who are on the same journey as you or have gone through similar things and want to see you thrive. Oprah Winfrey said you need to surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher, and that should be your goal.
Working on your own still has its benefits, just need to find the balance and understand that sometimes it’s ok to ask for help
There’s very little to lose and a lot to gain, you just give it a shot and see how you do.
If you’re interested in poker and want to follow my journey through the microstakes you can follow me here.
